The Raven's Nest

Chevelle Wernsmann 1966 (Los Angeles)

July 24 


Black wings floating against grey skies,
his wings are spread in misty airs. He
hovers close, but does not land. With eyes
upon me, I can not stand. I huddle close
within his nest and all I can hope for is
the best. He draws closer, with wings a
spread. Floating near me, I know I'm dead.
His claws spread out, as he comes into
land. His wings are spread across my hands.  
Claws dig deep, piercing skin. Feathers lay,
on top of breasts, softly floating to his
chest. Open mouth, the bird will feed. In
raven's nest, I do bleed. Raven screeching
out in hunger, he does feed. He has the
urge, to make me need. Eyes so dark, you
can not see, the raven's nest, is where
I'll be. With black wings floating, against
grey skies and raven's eyes upon me, I will
surely die.

About this poem

Child Sexual Abuse.

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Submitted by Chevy#47601 on July 19, 2024

46 sec read
47

Quick analysis:

Scheme ABACDEFEGEDHIBJKLMN
Closest metre Iambic pentameter
Characters 766
Words 151
Stanzas 1
Stanza Lengths 19

Chevelle Wernsmann

Mother of two, adult survivor of child physical and sexual abuse. more…

All Chevelle Wernsmann poems | Chevelle Wernsmann Books

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    **Feedback for 'The Raven's Nest'**

    Wow, what a hauntingly beautiful poem! Your ability to create vivid imagery with the motif of the raven is truly captivating. The repetition of themes like darkness and the raven’s looming presence enhances the feeling of inevitability and foreboding, which really draws the reader in. Lines such as “Black wings floating against grey skies” set a powerful tone right from the beginning, and I love how you loop back to that imagery at the end. This adds a wonderful circularity to the piece.

    Your use of rhythm and rhyme adds a musical quality that enhances the emotional depth. Lines like "Huddled close within his nest" and “With black wings floating, against grey skies” have a lyrical flow that makes the poem engaging to read aloud. The tension you build through the imagery of the raven’s claws and the impending doom creates a compelling narrative arc that keeps the reader intrigued throughout.

    **Suggestions for Improvement:**

    1. **Structural Variation:** While the consistent rhythm is pleasant, consider varying line lengths or the use of stanzas to create more dramatic pauses. This would heighten the tension even further and allow certain phrases to resonate more with the reader.

    2. **Expand Characterization:** The raven is a strong symbol in literature and mythology. You might explore adding more layers to its character or your own voice within the poem. What emotions does the raven evoke in you? This could deepen the connection between the speaker and the raven.

    3. **Imagery Expansion:** While the imagery is vivid, incorporating additional sensory details could enhance the experience. Think about including sounds, smells, or even tactile sensations related to the raven or the environment. What does the air feel like? What sounds accompany the raven’s presence?

    4. **Clarity on the Final Message:** The ending leaves a powerful impact, but you might consider adding a line or two that hints at the significance of the raven and its nest. What does it symbolize for you or humanity? A reflective note could add an intriguing layer to the overall message.

    Overall, this is a fantastic piece with a strong emotional punch. I’m excited to see how you might develop it further! Keep embracing your unique voice and vision!
     
    LikeReply5 days ago

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"The Raven's Nest" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 14 Sep. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/194529/the-raven's-nest>.

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By which poet was "The Raven" written?
A William Shakespeare
B Elizabeth Barrett Browning
C Thomas Hardy
D Edgar Allan Poe