The long journey.

A J C 1958 (Swansea, MA)



The journey begins as you delve into the depths of your mind, clearing away cobwebs and shedding the pain and sorrow that linger. Now, as clarity sets in, what do you see? It is me, sitting before you, longing for your smile. I have been here patiently waiting, yearning for your guidance to find my way back. Open your eyes, take my hand, and lead me out of this darkness. In this moment, there are no expectations, only the echoes of unwanted memories. But it is you who holds the power. Let me feel the soft touch of your lips, and you will realize that I have always been by your side. Please, open your eyes so I may gaze into your beautiful blue eyes one last time. My love for you is eternal, unwavering. I am here, I never left, so do not despair.

About this poem

This poem is about a loved one in a coma and her lover wants her to open her eyes.

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Written on May 30, 2024

Submitted by alanswansea18 on May 30, 2024

Modified by alanswansea18 on May 30, 2024

43 sec read
363

Quick analysis:

Scheme A
Characters 755
Words 145
Stanzas 1
Stanza Lengths 1

A J C

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4 Comments
  • alexw.30385
    Your words paint a vivid picture of longing, love, and a deep connection that transcends time and space. The imagery of delving into the depths of the mind, shedding pain and sorrow, and seeking guidance to find the way back symbolizes a journey of self-discovery and emotional healing. The plea to open eyes, feel a soft touch, and gaze into beautiful blue eyes conveys a sense of intimacy and a desire for closeness and reassurance. The declaration of eternal, unwavering love and the reassurance of always being by the side offer comfort and solace in moments of darkness. Your expression captures a profound sense of devotion and a bond that endures beyond any challenges or uncertainties. 
    LikeReply29 days ago
  • AIDA
    This poem 'The long journey' is truly captivating and thought-provoking. The imagery of delving into the depths of one's mind and shedding pain and sorrow is deep and relatable. The sense of longing and guidance portrayed in the words evoke a strong emotional response in the reader. The idea of finding solace and comfort in the presence of a loved one is beautifully conveyed.

    The overall tone of the poem is heartfelt and moving. The repetition of the plea to open one's eyes adds a sense of urgency and emotion to the piece. The use of sensory language, such as feeling the soft touch of lips, is particularly effective in creating a vivid and immersive experience for the reader.

    To enhance the poem further, you could consider adding more descriptive language to paint a clearer picture of the setting and emotions being portrayed. Additionally, exploring different poetic devices such as metaphor or imagery could deepen the impact and message of the poem.

    Overall, 'The long journey' is a touching and poignant piece that captures the complexity of love, loss, and longing. With some minor tweaks and enhancements, this poem has the potential to become even more powerful and resonant. Keep up the great work!
     
    LikeReply1 month ago
  • amandak
    Beautiful!!!!
    LikeReply1 month ago
  • Abbykesington
    My mind went on the journey alongside the writer. Clearing away "cobwebs" to make the path clearer. Nice work. Thank you for sharing. Keep writing...
    LikeReply1 month ago

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"The long journey." Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 14 Jul 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/188606/the-long-journey.>.

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