Cognitive displeasure

My heartbeat matches my mind- irregular, fast, thumping,
Scattered thoughts and images, I wish I could focus on one thing,
The wave of emotion heightens, almost at it’s crescendo,
Looking at past events and smiling about the kept momento’s,
Not knowing if I’ll get to make more memories leaves me troubled and feeling empty,
Wondering would it be for the best if you actually upped and left me,
Why can’t I just live my life? Why am I so overly cautious?
The feeling of dread consumes me until I become dizzy and nauseous,
Controlled by a master like a puppet, exhausted trying to cut the ties,
Feeling like all I’ve been fed are hateful and hurtful lies,
All I wish wish for are thoughts and actions that are precise and concise
But in contrast I sit crippled, admitting defeat in my demise