The Debutante

Life without friends

is empty
                                                 and bleak
Like the pit
                  of quicksand

that they all gather 'round,


sitting,

staring,

                                     ...watching  me sink.



Not a cry,

                   Nor  a yelp
                                             seem to reach
                                                         
                                                                                        an open ear.



         My thoughts

 now wonder:

                            "Have they ALL fallen deaf??


                         Then, Why...

                                                                                     Why do they not hear?

They just sit.
                          They just stare.
                                             Watching me struggle;
                        as my lungs
                                      grasp at the open air. "




But all I could see
                        

                                    were faces,.......
                                                                                empty faces.....
                                                                                                        faces as empty..

as one would feel….
                                       
                                        opening a love letter....


and inside to find
                        nothing more  
 than a blank sheet....



Its disbelief
                            that causes one to seek

a sign,
                             or a word
                                         of affirmation.

                   
   But all you find

                                   is disappointment

as you stand there……….
                                       
                                              staring down……
                                                                                   to a blank sheet.


Perhaps it was,
                            
                                 the panicked glare,


that hit them like
                
                                  a brick to the face.


No spoken words,
                    and from my mouth,
                                                       a Beckoning silence
striking hard,
                              like mortar bombs
that blast
                      over the battlefield.

 Perhaps this is so,
              from my face they read
                                                                       a pleading to know

“Do you not love me……
anymore?”




The faces

                                I once saw
were now in outrage
                                                   and appalled.

   Clearly I’d committed
                                             the great trespass
and assault.

          They falsely reassure

     and outloud they call:



                      “By Golly now,
We do care!”
   
                   
                              as  they turn their backs,


                                                         and walk away.

They can't be bothered,
no,

                        not this year.



I struggle to keep my head above


I am a fool.
            I am wrapped
                                   in a cloak of shame.


Gazing to the distance


watching them

walk away

and I am left.


 Wishing…..

 to have seen….


              even one
                                glance back.


To them…..
                                              I had given all of my heart.

 To them……
                                              I had given all of my being.


I had promised to love them endlessly.
   
The warmth and love I once could feel


has turned rotten,


like the flesh of poisoned veal.


To feel that same devoted love,
                         like the innocence of a child,
who blindly trusts.

Putting all they have in

   With warmth & love.

To feel in such a way,
                             if ever again,

has become
Something for me to fear


 I am pained…..

                    
She is the Debutante …
                             I am an empty hole
I do not deserve her


love or thoughts

anymore.

As a paper cup is crumpled
and tossed into the bin of waste
so easy to grab a new one
as the former has been replaced

I am pained…..

my heart,

it is a stone
Its heaviness weighs me down
and that Is the point when I give in

sinking to the bottom, and to my end


Forgotten
         are the times

I was there for them


as she paints me into
some sort of madman

Quick to wipe away

         like the devious tear
that rolls down her cheek

She opens her mouth
             
and so she speaks

   “Your loss of hope,
is nothing but a joke”

“Your friendship...
         it is not wanted”

“Your care...
                 it is not needed”

And she writes me off

with the diagnosis of a "delusional state"

All has been replaced


and from their minds, I am nothing more,
than a chalkboard
                                  that’s been erased