Run to Turn to

Who can I run to turn to when my vision is blurring, lately I been hurting. Mind clouded heart weighed down; carrying all this tension not to mention so tired soul burdened.
I know God's there, yet I feel alone out here; stalking the truth of my purpose in this quest of life, through all of my struggles with all my strength stiff necked forced to hold my head trapping tears inside MMA; kickboxing with self pride juggling issues surrounded by strife. Under construction, operating like a surgeon on a patient, focused on straightening and maintenance; situations testing my patience facing dilemmas guzzling liquor blazing sativa like a trauma survivor abusing medication. My way of escaping momentary mental vacations gaps in time, take a trip through my mind. How many can endure these trials, handling episode after episode no capping loosen the suppressor off the valve before the overload can't afford to explode. Trust issues causing more stress, hidden insecurities I keep to my chest, they trying to breakout heart racing sewed to my sleeve, under duress not counting on anyone to cleave. Trust eventually it leaves best lay it to rest, but I can't rest gave and gave til littles left guarded
scarred tears on my heart, hiding strain mental emotional drain stains on my soul is this how it feels to be torn apart.
Who can I run to turn to when my vision is blurring, lately I been hurting. Mind clouded heart weighed down; carrying all this tension not to mention so tired soul burdened. Is there such thing as heaven on earth, if that's the truth I'm seeking, searching where's my Earth Angel or did I seal my own fate have my lips conjured a self inflicted curse? Knowing my worth, and value seems to never be reciprocated. Smiles disguising frowns down playing feelings, hurt as f*ck little man's watching under pressure the enemy's on the prowl, like a lion; roars and growls poke out my chest God covers me and protects like a vest shots bounce off yet I'm still fighting not to give up. My son looks up don't want him to see me sweat, I'm supposed to be a vet, swallow regrets he doesn't know I'm depressed. Parenting for him and the rest of them my girls I do my best; never the less this my course of life I guess. Taking every dose pour it down the throat, here we go again roll some more Tov toke after toke trying to fix it, repair, and replace still broken;pain is outspoken. Y'all just don't know been at the end of the knots tightening, necks clinched at the end of the rope. Hope floats is it up in the sky, not where birds fly and aircrafts glide. I mean where they say passed loved one dwell the home of the Most high!
Again, I swallow my pride tuck and conceal my fears like a pistol, don't want you to see me cry learned from X either let me fly or give death, until my day come on my quest, every angle tangled is this the life I created did I deceive, weave my own web searching for an Earth Angel foolishly need to down pour an ocean of self on me! I know I'm worth it no one to clutch touch whisper baby I'm hurting it's on me. God, please tell me, show me! Who can I run to turn to when my vision is blurring, lately I been hurting, mind clouded heart weighed down carrying all this tension not to mention so tired soul burdened