At Nineteen
I remember being Nineteen,
And wishing I could die.
But at that time,
I couldn't explain why.
Now I know
It was just the thought,
That mom & I
Had constantly fought.
And I felt that I
Could never measure up
To all that she was,
And all that she had taught.
There were other things too.
Like trying to find my future-
While stuck in the past.
And Beautiful Relationships that did not last.
Needless to say,
My thoughts would always stray.
I was smoking too much weed,
And I couldn't find my way.
I had high hope,
But with weed, I could not cope.
With the ups & downs of life.
I even bought a rope!
Because the thought of having
To live this life alone
Felt to me like an Endless Eternity
At Nineteen.
I didn't even know
HOW I would make it through,
All the future decades,
I was NOT looking forward to. . .
At Nineteen,
I felt I had no friend,
I so wished my sad life,
Would somehow just end.
I couldn't say the reasons,
I really had no clue.
But today I now know,
What I was going through.
Trauma caused by addiction,
My life was a Living Hell.
This poem is no Fiction.
This is the truth I tell.
It was also my bad choices,
Not knowing how to cope
With childhood trauma that tagged along
While I tried all kinds of dope.
I somehow thought addictions,
Would help me find my way,
To the Life I've always dreamed of,
To the Life I have today!
But it took YEARS of counseling,
It took YEARS of prayer,
To recover from addictions,
To begin to even CARE!
I DO NOT recommend-
The way I've lived my life.
But it is what it was,
And it's what I have done.
Today I am so grateful,
To finally find my way.
To no longer being hateful,
And to live a better day!
About this poem
Sometimes there is a measure of healing in being able to look back upon another time in your life, & understand what you were going through. This is what this poem is about. There was a time I couldn't share my feelings or trust others with my heart, and how painful that was at an age when I should have been reaching out to the world to find my place. Now, here I stand, years later, after recovering from addiction & child molestations, and other traumas, able to share parts of my story. I'm grateful I survived this battle described in my poem, to be able to share this with others. more »
Written on April 18, 2023
Submitted by ladybugsnpoetree333 on April 18, 2023
Modified on April 25, 2023
- 2:00 min read
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Quick analysis:
Scheme | abxb cdbd bxed fxgg hhxh iiji kxxA cfxf Aljl mfcf nono xixi mhxh kpmp ljen qhqh |
---|---|
Closest metre | Iambic trimeter |
Characters | 1,693 |
Words | 393 |
Stanzas | 16 |
Stanza Lengths | 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4 |
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"At Nineteen" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 24 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/157188/at-nineteen>.
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