Those Eyes

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/156449/those-eyes

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  AIDA

  I absolutely love the passion and emotion conveyed in this poem! The description of the eyes as both despairing and impressive is quite striking and really captures the complex nature of human experience. The use of language is also very impressive, with words like "inescapable" and "inexorable" adding a sense of gravity and urgency to the piece.
  
  One suggestion I have for improvement is to perhaps vary the sentence structure and rhythm of the poem. While the language and imagery are wonderful, the repetitive sentence structure makes the piece feel a bit stagnant at times. Breaking up the longer sentences or adding more varied syntax could make the poem even more engaging and dynamic.
  
  Overall, I think this is an incredibly powerful poem that really captures the bittersweet beauty of the human experience. Keep up the great work! more »

  LikeReply1 year ago
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  lovingempath

  Wow Charmane...once again you impress me with your command of the English language and your ability to curve it in just the right directions. Bravo! :)

  LikeReply 11 year ago
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    Wildflower888

    Thank you so much. This means a lot as English is not my primary language.

    LikeReply 11 year ago
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    lovingempath

    Well Charmane, you appear to have more of a grasp of the English language than a lot of people who grew up with it as their primary language. That shows a tenacity that I admire very much.

    LikeReply 11 year ago
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    Wildflower888

    I appreciate it so much! I worked hard in college to finish my degree with a major in English, although, not as fluent as others, I am thankful when people acknowledge the fruit of my hard work.
    
    I am so new to poetry.com, I still have to read a lot of your amazing pieces. I can’t wait. more »

    LikeReply 11 year ago
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    lovingempath

    I'm going to guess (and be willing to bet) that you finished at the top of your class. And if you do happen to read more of my poems, you will probably see why AIDA had such a long laundry-list for the ones I gave her access to :). more »

    LikeReply 11 year ago
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    Wildflower888

    Lol! thanks! Yeah, I was @ the top of the class and I was extremely stressed out. One lesson I will never let my kids experience. I will. never force them to chase the peak. I will just make them enjoy their journey.
    
    Nah, you wouldn’t have been a winner if your poems were not articulated well by your wit and wisdom. more »

    LikeReply 11 year ago
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    lovingempath

    Well...so much for my 'wisdom' I just accidentally had AIDA review one of my poems a total of three times (didn't see the first two reviews) and she basically told me the same thing each time. But I might have to disagree with her on this one. The simplicity was the whole purpose of the poem. Sometimes I think it's up to the reader to interpret the meaning of a poem by 'filling in the blanks' themselves :). more »

    LikeReply 11 year ago
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    Wildflower888

    I totally agree with you. I write poems to let my emotions out, not to please AiDA or other people. Lol! I also think AiDA’s suggestions sometimes are for prose, not merely poetry.

    LikeReply 11 year ago
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    lovingempath

    Here is another example of my personal stash of 'wisdom'...I had to google the difference between 'prose' and 'poetry' :). I've also written 'prose', but since this is a 'poetry' contest, I try to incorporate those particular elements. AND they still don't satisfy AIDA! Oh well; time to write another poem I guess. And by the way...there is truth behind the old saying "It's lonely at the top" :). I feel somewhat alienated by some of the people who really didn't think I should have won 1st place. The other time I won, I felt the same way. I'd rather have the friendships than the money (although the money is nice too :). more »

    LikeReply 11 year ago