A Debt Still Owed

A Debt Still Owed

Back and forth, back and forth she rocked
Arms embraced around herself
Holding on to her parts so hard lest they be lost by the anguished quaking
She stared into the void as if it owed her a debt
An immense debt, as voids tend to do
But they keep what they have, they do
These cold dark chasms don’t concern themselves with the grief of men
Jealously they keep hold of their captives
With not a moment’s thought of ever letting go

Why? She wailed. Why?
And I longed to give an answer, but I had it not
For my own answer was still owed

Her eyes spoke of a loss that was hard to comprehend
If you haven’t yourself at some point misplaced the meaning of your life
Sad and sunken, they’ve fled deep into the shadows
Trying to escape the light that illumines the truth,
Trying not to see what cannot be unseen
But you cannot escape the dark by closing your eyes
For that is where it reigns
In the places we fear to gaze

Why? She cried. Why?
And I longed to console her, but I could do it not
For my own comfort was still owed

She seemed broken
A ‘shattered glass’ kind of broken
And lost,
The kind of lost that cannot be found by Amazing Grace.
Her sorrow tugged at my heart
Made it beat like the iron wheels of a train as it passed over the seams in the tracks
Sometimes fast, sometimes slow,
…Sometimes missing those seams all together.
I wanted to comfort this broken girl,
To promise her that she can be put together, like all things that was once whole…
But you can’t repair something if you didn’t know what to call it,
That’s what they say
…It’s true,
It is hard to give it a name

Why?! She shouted. Why?!
And I longed to take her pain, but I could bear it not
For my own reprieve was still owed

She walked away on unsteady legs, as a fawn just birthed
Held by stronger arms than I could offer
And I watched as human dump trucks dropped soil on my entire life
And finally I broke, shattered like the girl I wished to soothe

Why? I begged. Why?
And he longed to give an answer, but he could do it not
For his own answer was still owed

For just as my sister…and I,
My brother too had lost…
A Mother…