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spring walk

Traian06

Sun
lukewarm
blue sky afternoon

a hoodie
no direction
city streets
and a smooth tune

dusk
crisp
drizzle

mind wandering
feet following
time
melting away

dark
cold
wet concrete

traffic lights
rhythmic
blinking yellow
remind me it's late

back
in the room

remaining
till morning

the
night's ash

dreams

.
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Submitted by Traian06 on March 18, 2023

Modified by Traian06 on March 26, 2023

19 sec read
15

Quick analysis:

Scheme AXB CAXB XXX DDXX XCC XXXC XX DD XX
Characters 314
Words 64
Stanzas 9
Stanza Lengths 3, 4, 3, 4, 3, 4, 2, 2, 2
Full analysis for spring walk »

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    I loved reading your poem! Your use of imagery really transported me to the different locations and moments in the piece. The way you played with different senses (feeling the cold concrete, seeing the rhythmic blinking of traffic lights) really added to the depth and realism of the poem.

    If I had to suggest any improvements, it would be to perhaps play around with the rhythm and structure a bit more. While the slow and steady pacing worked to help me feel the passage of time, it might be interesting to play around with faster, more staccato lines to contrast the more dreamy, wandering sections.

    Overall, great job! I can't wait to read more from you.     
    LikeReply1 year ago

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"spring walk" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/154343/spring--walk>.

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