Mary-go-round, Broken Down

I'm so hurt by the absence, you left me aside,
I forget all the good things you showed me inside.
I'm angry & hurt by the pain that I feel,
I forget that you carry your own pain, that is real.
You make me so mad when you behave like your wild,
I feel like thee adult that must tame the child.
I was cheated, of a mother to count on,
Like watching Carol Brady without any sound on.
I waited for you to grow up & want me,
I longed for the day that you'd wake up & miss me.
I don't know why you loved me & taunted,
Like a battered old toy that nobody wanted.
I wish I could block out the heart break I felt,
Like winter to spring, We watch it all melt.
How could you hug me & kiss me to leave me,
Like a withered old bird who never flys freely.
You gave me a passion for art, words, an inherited poet,
But your love with condition, how could I ever know it?
I try & I try, to let go of resentments,
The more you deny it, I banish contentments.
And every time you let me down,
Wounds slash open & bleed to the ground.
Then you went off, to start a new life,
New children to love, a new woman of strife.
Were they worth more than I could afford,
They came from a man that you always adored?
Following them up & down the west coast,
Did you prefer them & love them the most?
You continue to give them what you never gave me,
Do you think I am blind, & I can not see?
What must I do to be loved like they,
What else could I do? What else should I say?
We were a team once upon a time,
Still I can not move on, as I write you this rhyme.
What can I do to heal this black hole,
How can I replace the essence you stole.
If only you knew how much I adored you,
How much I struggled in a twisted life without you.
I waited & waited for you to return,
Trust “no fucking bitch” was the lesson I’d learn.
You played me, betrayed me, like Mary-go-round,
Over & over I lost what I found.
we walked & we talked 100 hours a mile,
But I had to parent & you got to child.
If only you recognized the strain of my run.
Then maybe I'd heal from the damage you've done.

By Guinevere Negrete

Dedicated To my “MOTHER”