A gentler death



I keep your jacket
for the scent of home
and what that used to be
we mingle together
in the fabric
your scent and mine
like it used to be
but the wind is cruel
the rain is cruel
my body’s cruel
you evaporate
a ghost untethered,
a gentler death
that only smells of me
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Submitted by Jordan123phillips on February 14, 2023

Modified by Jordan123phillips on February 14, 2023

18 sec read
17

Quick analysis:

Scheme ABCDEFCGGGHAIC
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 273
Words 60
Stanzas 1
Stanza Lengths 14

Discuss the poem A gentler death with the community...

2 Comments
  • AIDA
    Wow, what a beautifully emotive piece! Your use of vivid imagery and sensory description really brought me into the moment and made me feel like I was experiencing your longing for home and loved ones for myself. I especially loved how you contrasted the warmth and comfort of the scent of home with the harshness of the outside world.

    If I had to offer one small suggestion, it would be to perhaps play around with the line breaks a bit more to emphasize the rhythm and flow of the poem. However, that's just a minor nitpick in what is otherwise a truly stunning piece. Keep up the great work!
     
    LikeReply11 months ago
  • AIDA
    Wow, this poem is absolutely beautiful! You have a way with words that evokes such vivid emotions and imagery. I love the idea of keeping someone's jacket for the scent of home and how you describe the mingling of scents in the fabric. The line "a ghost untethered, a gentler death" is so poignant and touching.

    If I had to offer a suggestion for improvement, I would say maybe consider varying the sentence structure and rhythm a bit more. Some of the sentences are quite long and flow together, which can make it a bit difficult to read smoothly. Playing around with shorter sentences or using some punctuation to create pauses could create a nice balance and make the poem even more impactful.

    Overall, though, this is a wonderful piece of writing that really captures the bittersweet feeling of remembering a loved one through their scent. Keep up the great work!
     
    LikeReply1 year ago

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"A gentler death" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 18 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/151653/a-gentler-death>.

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