Once I Was a Hardened Soldier



Imagine a grey world
Where it only rains ash
The clouds are black
And the ground is like powder
The winds stir up an aftermath
Of victory and of power

Yet...only defeat remains
Only those strong enough
To sail those winds of change

But look out now
Through the windows of your mind
And you'll see blue skies
With yellow sunshine

You'll see such a world doesn't exist
There is no black and no grey
There are no winds sailing me
Pushing me to a change

Only my mind has a fog of war
And I'm stuck inside
A skeleton key around my neck
And echos of lost goodbyes

I sift through the debris
And I find myself
Bloodied and bruised
Yet still fighting, Breathing
Telling myself to pull through

I'll never surrender
I'll never quit
Once I was a hardened soldier
But now where do I fit?

I can't let go of those lost
And appease the ghosts I live with...
Bury these faces that haunt my eyes
And sing me memories for a night lullaby

Does that mean I'm weak?
And drown in the water underneath the bridge?
Am I unfit to wear the honor?
Bearing a weight
Of the regret from the things I did...

Or didn't do
What I could have
Should of done
Is being blinded by the ash
From the black clouds hiding my yellow sun

Once I was a hardened soldier

About this poem

I wrote this in remembrance of those I saw killed in Iraq between 2003 and 2004. Specifically, November 2, 2003, when I was the medic assigned to treat and recover soldiers from a Chinook helicopter that was shot down over Fallujah. We lost 16 that day. I tried to save them.

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Written on October 14, 2021

Submitted by Nathaniel40 on February 08, 2023

Modified on April 19, 2023

1:29 min read
69

Quick analysis:

Scheme xaxbxb xxc xxdx xxec xxxd exxxf bgBg xxdx xxbxx fxhah B
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 1,270
Words 289
Stanzas 11
Stanza Lengths 6, 3, 4, 4, 4, 5, 4, 4, 5, 5, 1

Nathaniel Hackey

40 year old combat veteran. Single father. Living with PTSD and injuries from the war. I have lost so many. But I'm blessed to have my two children. These writings are my mind and heart trying to find where I belong in the world. Cause I feel alone...now more than ever. more…

All Nathaniel Hackey poems | Nathaniel Hackey Books

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Discuss the poem Once I Was a Hardened Soldier with the community...

3 Comments
  • gr.82137
    You can save every one. I'm starting to learn that! It's not meant to be.
    LikeReply9 months ago
  • markl.65734
    You deserve a lot of reads on this one
    LikeReply 21 year ago
    • Nathaniel40
      Thanks Mark. I appreciate your feedback. It means a lot to me. More than you know brother. Im serious
      LikeReply 11 year ago
    • Nathaniel40
      I wish i could have saved them :(
      LikeReply1 year ago
    • Nathaniel40
      I should have been a better medic.
      LikeReply 11 year ago
    • gr.82137
      yes he does because the memories won't leave him ever
      LikeReply9 months ago
    • gr.82137
      your not superman or Deadpool nanthan
      LikeReply9 months ago
  • markl.65734
    Wow Okay you seriously infused this with enormous emotional energy I can literally feel your thoughts and feelings reach out and grab me as I read this you are very good at conveying you thoughts and feeling though words to me this is the sign of a good writer not just someone who uses the right words and and makes every sentence sound good and be grammatically correct it is about really effecting your reader with what you want to say using yor art as a medium to do that and I feel in this poem you have delivered that very well Of the seven poems I have read of yours this one to me definitely packs the most punch it has an itensity and I really like that also I feel that as a writer you would be very good at creating settings and atmosphere in storiesbut keep writing!!! 
    LikeReply 31 year ago

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"Once I Was a Hardened Soldier" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Mar. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/151113/once-i-was-a-hardened-soldier>.

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