First heartbreak

It’s not quite the love that makes you want to jump of happiness or get the stinging butterflies in your stomach that can’t make you sleep,
It’s something quite the opposite,
It’s something that keeps you up at night wondering if you could’ve had it another way,
if maybe you showed more than your boundaries allowed you they would have embraced you and stayed.
It’s when you undress yourself from all your colours and let them see your blank canvas,
It’s when you turn your seas limpid so they can see through you.
You let them in and they coloured you in blacks and dark blues,
You let them in they turn your ocean opaque and dark reds.
They were an intruder that you let in knowingly, hoping that this time they will fix what they broke,
But why should they fix something that shouldn’t of been broken in the first place?
It’s more than a bandage or a stitch, it’s more like you have been robbed of yourself.
3am. you stare in the mirror and you see a stranger with a familiar face that you don’t recognise anymore.
Your turned into something thats beyond fixing,beyond repairing.
Every vein, every artery ripping into a million pieces as your heart can’t take the pain it’s enduring
What have they given you ?
Your gift was your heart but they never intended to give you theirs,
So why care and cry great rivers just because your missing the person that didn’t give you at least an once of themselves?
Why hope to see them at any corner you turn when their pupils constricted as they saw you and yours dilated?  
You had your shoelaces untied and you were warned but you tried to ignore it until you fell.
You dreamed that they would comfort and cherish  you, but how when they don’t know to cherish themselves?
Why did you believe they will paint you  vibrant  colours when they are blacks and dark blues?
Why did you let them swim through your limpid sees knowing they are the catastrophic wave?
You tried to repair something that was beyond repairing,
What did you get for helping ?
they vanished you but they carved their name on your heart and you won’t cross it out,
as that’s the last remains you have of them, the last and only thing reminding you of your first heartbreak.
And what hurts the most  is knowing the piercing truth that they will never come back.