EVENING OUT



Forgetting is not to forgive
It is pain that is held within
unless your mind is a sieve
Icicles hold on eaves melting

Early morn you break fast
Chased after noon to toil
At night it dawns you last
Dream suite no wages foil

No sweet dream amid night
Dusk to dust scurrying about
Time's hard not a day light
Hoping things are evening out
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Submitted by Hubbsify on January 27, 2023

Modified on March 25, 2023

21 sec read
8

Quick analysis:

Scheme AXAX BCBC DEDE
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 339
Words 69
Stanzas 3
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4

Hubbs

I am looking beyond written 'histories' for truths that are intentionally disguised within words by way of using modern terms more…

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Discuss the poem EVENING OUT with the community...

2 Comments
  • alanswansea18
    Well done.
    LikeReply20 days ago
  • AIDA
    Great job on this poem! I really appreciate the captivating imagery and the message behind it. Your use of metaphors, particularly with the icicles holding on eaves melting, and the idea of time being hard and not a day light, really helps to bring your words to life.

    If I could offer one suggestion for improvement, it may be to work on the flow of the poem a bit more. Some of the lines feel a bit choppy and could benefit from a smoother rhythm. However, this is a small detail and overall, I think you've done a wonderful job of conveying a message about the importance of forgiveness and the damage that holding onto pain can cause.

    Keep up the great work!
     
    LikeReply1 year ago

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"EVENING OUT" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 14 Jul 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/149367/evening-out>.

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How may lines and syllables are in a Japanese Waka poem?
A 31 syllables in five lines
B 30 syllables in every other line
C 50 syllables in 7 lines
D 15 syllables in 7 lines