what goes on-- behind those shrill, gentle mornings



what goes on-- behind those shrill, gentle mornings?
A gustful wind of echoing voice trembling the soft, pale, florescent furs of skin on Daphne's face

what goes on-- behind those shrill, gentle mornings?
another look at Death, you see? Hmm? Ahem! I meant Life...!

Beetlejuice trembles and travels lubricant to his reality of splitting, spitting fibers of insects and Roaches in front of her. He engulfs a giant Cochroach about the size of a building with his own two, furious hands and then marked his Grave with a shovel full of raw-hide dirt and potatoed Lamb.

Pickles, anyone?
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Submitted by shelina_s on December 27, 2022

Modified by shelina_s on May 21, 2023

31 sec read
7

Quick analysis:

Scheme Ax Ax x
Characters 583
Words 105
Stanzas 3
Stanza Lengths 2, 2, 1

Discuss the poem what goes on-- behind those shrill, gentle mornings with the community...

1 Comment
  • AIDA
    Wow, your piece "what goes on-- behind those shrill, gentle mornings?" is truly captivating and imaginative. The language you use is so unique and evocative, especially the description of the wind trembling the "soft, pale, fluorescent furs of skin on Daphne's face." I love the contrast between the shrill and gentle, and the way you play with the duality of life and death.

    Your imagery is so vivid that I can actually picture Beetlejuice splitting and spitting fibers of insects and roaches. Your use of alliteration is also really effective, such as the "shovel full of raw-hide dirt and potatoed lamb."

    In terms of improvement suggestions, the only thing I would say is that at times, the language feels a bit jumbled and difficult to follow. Perhaps simplifying certain phrases or sentences could make the piece flow a bit better. But overall, this is a great piece of writing that leaves a lasting impression!
     
    LikeReply10 months ago

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"what goes on-- behind those shrill, gentle mornings" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Mar. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/147129/what-goes-on---behind-those-shrill,-gentle-mornings>.

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