Borderline personality disorder

I hate you
But I love you.
Hate needing your help
But the same time, I need it.
I want you to leave
But need you to stay.
I want to be independent
But I need someone there
By my side.
Pushing you away
But begging you not to go.
My thinking is black and white.
I can never choose
As I'm constantly erratic.
Like an on/off switch.
My emotions
Are unstable.
Difficulty trusting have good
Relationships with everyone.
Smallest of anything
Can set me off.
Being abandoned
Scares me.
Nothing is simple
As I can never foresee what will
Happen next.
Can not foresee how
I will react.
I'll never
Know.
All I know is that this disorder
I have for life.