Losing Against The Cycle

Caught in an ongoing downwards spiral
I'm fighting just to try to keep my head up,
So overwhelming and unending
When will enough be enough?
When I think I've found the end
I realize it's just part of a cycle,
Never to let me break through
Always finding a revival.
This repetition is a brutal beating
The struggle I've kept inside,
Yet I'll never understand the meaning
Of the battles that I continue to hide.
Who am I now?
What am I to become from all of this?
I've reached my breaking point
Stretched beyond my very limits.
My beliefs have twisted and torn
And with no vivid answer as to why,
I'm breaking down, I want to lose
But somehow I continue to fight.
Where is my shelter from these storms?
Who's to protect me from the rain?
Love is now all I am fighting for
But from it all, what do I gain?
This all feels so pretentious
My dreams so far out of reach.
I am fighting for myself,
Suffering through all this hell
With no idea what to believe.
I've pondered and questioned
Wondered and thought,
This isn't a cry for attention
For the help that I have sought.
Does any one pray for me
Or wonder how I've been?
Does any one think about what I am going through?
Or am I forsaken?
I'm just as pathetic and minescuel
Like a larvae in the waters of life,
Always in fear of ridicule
Judgement that cuts like a knife.
Battles I don't speak of
Silent and well kept,
Rage inside as I try to fight
For all of the good things that I'd dreamt.
I'm so scared and powerless
With no strength to break this curse.
As soon as I can see the sunlight,
The storms make turn for the worst.
There's no going back,
I cannot change my past,
I fear the future that I lack
So therefore I just won't ask.
Sometimes I'm just a feather
Floating where the gust may blow,
Landing where I land
Gravity pulls below.
I cannot fight these currents
My arms too tired to swim,
I find there may be final peace
If I can just let death win.