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Obsessed

Amanda East 1976 (Ogden)

Blank verse
F@!k you!
F@!k you!
And
F@!k you!

Those are words of anger,
And I am angry!
Angry that I must feel it.
Sad that I must feel empty of light.
Empty of compassion,
And empty of purpose,
But only for a moment,
Only for a little moment.

You chose me, remember?
It is your hope, not mine you wrestle with.
The fire and intense pain made me look away,
But only for a moment.
You wanted me to come to you.
So here I am.
What now?
Are we always going to try to teach each other something?
We are not different you and I.
Our time doesn’t have to be short.

Are you going to keep being a coward,
A weak nothing of a man?
Did you go to the party you paid for?
What do you want from me?
You have seen me,
Smelled me,
And now feel me.
Where is your Hate?

What is Love?
Have you never met something real outside yourself?
I am going to keep surprising you, you know.
I know the answer,
But you won’t have it
Because winning is more important to you than being right.
And they are not the same thing Mister.
You lie to yourself as much as the rest of us do.
You are here in the quagmire too.
And You are afraid of getting everything you deeply wanted.
I am here.
You only have to ask me,
Broken One.
The answer comes in a gift.
A gift!

She bled you dry and made you mad.
You let her, just as I let you.
You don’t understand the steps to my madness
Because you forgot how to feel outside your pain.
You are saving no one, dear,
And it’s not your rite to play the devil.
You won’t give me mine for a Goddamn second!
She’s lovely isn’t she?
And it makes you that much more angry doesn’t it?
To actually get what you want?
This one comes knowing, but pretending to not know.
Her Ego actually loves you.
A gift she asked to give.

F@!k you,
F@!k you,
And
F@!k you!

About this poem

Me losing touch with reality. I wrote this in a delusional state of mind to a guy I met on a dating site. I thought he was someone he was not. Yes, I scared him away.

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Written on June 18, 2017

Submitted by Oceanloveisland on November 16, 2022

Modified by Oceanloveisland on November 16, 2022

2:07 min read
43

Quick analysis:

Scheme AABA cdefghIi cxxIaxxxxx xxxddddx xxjcefcaaxxdgkk xahxxxbdexjax AABA
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 1,812
Words 424
Stanzas 7
Stanza Lengths 4, 8, 10, 8, 15, 13, 4
Full analysis for Obsessed »

Amanda East

I grew up in Utah. I have four kiddos. I am now in a healthy happy relationship. I am spiritual, but not religious. I love thinking deeply about the purpose of life. more…

All Amanda East poems | Amanda East Books

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2 Comments
  • Oceanloveisland
    Oceanloveisland
    I was scared of him and yet felt love. I assumed he was the one with the hatchet. In my grandiose delusion I was hoping he was the man I met online 10 years prior. I truly believed with meeting him in person I was marching to meet my own death. Finding the truth was that important to me. I realized though I was chasing my own inner demon. I realized over time I was potentially what I feared. I thought I was the nice one. Fear unchecked is really scary. Thanks for your comment. 
    LikeReply 14 months ago
    • Symmetry58
      Symmetry58
      You answered what I had already been considering and that often times, not always, fear, too, is a construct of our own insecurities. Not that yours was in this or any instance, but rather as something to keep at the forefront of our reasoning faculties when seeking to assess others and our own circumstances. Fear is indeed a reality that can result from the outsourcing of trust we lay upon those we seek to offer ourselves to, but, as well, something we bring about due to our own esteem(ed) issues and pasts of emotional and cumulative baggage. I'm introspective enough to understand the greatest source of resolution can also be its own greatest adversary. The human mind is, for sure, a sight I wish I could behold. Stay gold, Amanda. 
      LikeReply 14 months ago
    • Symmetry58
      Symmetry58
      I also consider when you say "I thought I was the nice one," the tumultuousness of seeking to self-assess. Comes to mind the old adage of "Pigs don't know pigs stink" when we seek to assess something from the very confine of a facility that brought us our own dysfunction and (in)ability to reason with, at, to or about our own states of mind at a given juncture within the span and scope of our journeys. When we consider that we are unable to even see, figuratively and literally, our own innards, how then can we possibly presume to be able to speculate a state of mind seeking to assess itself? We'll "pearls on swine" ourselves to paint the rosiest pictures of ourselves that we can, more times than not, because humans are that ego-driven and ego-based. It's an uphill climb to say the least. Anyway, I hope you're not too put off by my lengthy responses. I just like in-depth poetry and conversation. :-) 
      LikeReply 14 months ago
    • Oceanloveisland
      Oceanloveisland
      i want to say “ditto” and my mature, but insecure side side wants to say as “same”. I’ll give them both a voice. Lol
      LikeReply 14 months ago
    • Symmetry58
      Symmetry58
      Multi-tasker. :-P
      LikeReply4 months ago
  • Symmetry58
    Symmetry58
    Apart from mad scientist brilliance, you sure as squat had me looking over my shoulder in fear that every woman I've ever scorned stood hunched with a hatchet at the ready waiting for an admission and an apology. I got a hefty, bellowing "WoWzA" as a best prescription for your crafty work, lady girl.

    Off I go to f*ck myself.     
    LikeReply 14 months ago

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"Obsessed" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 10 Jun 2023. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/144534/obsessed>.

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