Not Fully There

I don’t think you are fully there
Between the hours, the coffees and mischievousness
I don’t think you are fully there
Between what they teach you, what you want and what you really are
I don’t think you are fully there
Between the darkness, the obscurity, the obscenity of the …
Night?
I don’t think you are fully there
Between the dreams, the unicorns invented, the princess that will never exist
I don’t think you are fully there
I can open the door
I can hear you whispering
I can see you, your silhouette
Tired, humble, praying
Asking for the why
Imagining the what if
I see her here, in her room fully tucked in, happy,
I don’t see the other one,
The other never had the chance,
The other wasn’t even born,
I just see this one, the hope, the alive one
I understand now
I don’t see you fully there because you left
With the other
The other one that was your first, the unborn
I see the pain, I see the guilt
The questioning
I now understand,
Is not that I don’t see you
Is that you simply choose
not to be fully there…