Mom, I Miss You

Mom, I Miss You

                    Md. Shafiqul Islam Mamin

O, Mom , to me you were the most dearest,
I was a university student, you loved me the best.
I wrote a love poem, 330 line, 9 pages about you,
That’s October 1983, 38 years back, nobody viewed.
It was buried in the diary till December 19, 2021,
Until I submitted that poem in Facebook first time.

I felt guilty; I didn’t show the poem to my Mom,
Mom! If you read, listened, whether you would happy?
I couldn’t bear the responsibility of thy old age,
I’m fighting myself, in the framework of conscience.
On December 9, 2017, I lost you forever,
You were at my sister's house, I could stay at near.

Life seems to be a store of sorrows and pain today.
In 38 years ago, in poem, I promised on the day.
“Everything in this world mundane which I got,
My own pleasure, happiness and wealth I belong,
I’ll leave all everything and choose only you,
If it reduces the sufferings and sorrows have you.”

Mom, believe me, I will never forget you,
Why didn't my dreams in reality come in true?
Step by step obstacle, dear’s conscience, deception,
I faced the reality of life with new perception.
It was my responsibility to take care of  thy old age,
But I couldn’t do that, many obstacles have to face.

So, I was a defeated sailor, though innocent,
Like as the Titanic sank in the ice for accident.
The words of poem written in 1983, now in sure,
All words were ultimately a lamentation of failure.
How I show the poem! I’m not in such a position,
I have no right? It would be a shameful situation.

I promised 38 years ago in a complement mood.
“I will feed you own hand with your favorite foods,
I will put my hand on your head, put you to sleep,
When I was a child, you put hand on my head to sleep.
I don't know if I will fail-
Like a mirage, despair and hopelessness.”

Like a mirage, never came in true my dream,
Failed the promise of 23 years youth blood stream,
What will I answer on the Day of Judgment?
The answer will not be easy and convenient.
At time of death, in mobile I heard you breathing,
Sister's crying, my tears were flooding, floating.

I wrote in the poem 38 years ago-
"When you would be no more here,
I’ll not see your face O! My dear.
My chest will be floating with crying tear.
It’s irony of faith, if I lost myself here!
I’ll not see your heart-rending cry, pain, fear!”

At that time, the 23 years old, university student-
“Prayed to God of Universe with complement,
Give me such a time to alive in this world,
How much needed to make my Mom a happy one?”
The reality is that, still I'm alive, not lost,
God allowed me enough time required the most.

Eighty years old Mom, had aging problems,
There was still memory, sight, feelings and spoke,
However, she gone, I was remained with my shock.
My beloved mother! My deepest love is lost forever,
Today the chest is floating; there is no end of tear,
O Lord! No limit to your forgiveness here and after.