Reflections

I'm standing in the mirror.
Because it's time to reflect.
Trying to decide.
How am I.
Going to take the time.
To provide the lines that describe.
My worst times best.
The underlying resentment.
And all of the stress.
Have me reminiscing sometimes on when I use to shoot meth.
Missing being a mess.
Longing to be under the influence.
Neglecting all the bad times.
The cells and chowlines.
With nothing to call mine
Wondering why did I do it.
There was nothing to it.
There was no substance to life.
Unless the substance was something I could throw inside a pipe.
No I wasn't alright.
For my life was in shambles.
Do I really want to return.
To when my life was a gamble.
A perfect example.
Is my current situation.
Sitting in the court room.
Pondering on my damnation.
These stupid poison reservations.
Have got me feeling so sick.
Looking back at my life.
Why would I want be this.
Just another worthless junkie and hopeless piece of shit.
Searching for cash any way I could for a fix.
Do I even have it in me to be that person again.
And much to my chagrin.
I no longer enjoy those sins.
Those repeated sins.
That I use to entertain.
I will no longer again be the easy person to blame.
It's insane.
The mindframe I maintained.
And honestly all the dishonesty is a problem see that remains.
I probably will end up dead and I don't wanna be.
Another prodigy.
Of the dark side of this economy.
And I ought to be.
Grateful for the way I am living.
I worked too damn hard to be pushed out of this position.
And I can't even listen.
To recordings of myself from the past.
Because it's too real a reminder of how I use to be trash.
But alas and at last I'm here today and I can admit.
That you'll never catch me reminiscing back on that piece of shit.
This is it.
I have no more reservations.
No reflections needed.
The old me's been deleted.
And there's no reason to repeat it.
So good riddance...