Tears felt

tears felt

I ain't going 2 lie as I write this Tears r falling from my eyes my stomach feels like it's tied up all in side I feel so many things with in me I'm not going 2 lie I try 2 show u who I am slowly but cause it's hard 4 My heart 2 fly as quickly as u want it to fly I been thow so much in my life I'm not going 2 lie 4 being a women & being were I am now did not happen over night I am going 2 be 44 and I have only slept with 5 guys my whole life. I no u don't understand were I'm coming from cause u ur self have had nights of nightmare ur whole life there so much I wish I could tell u but it will have 2 be when we r face 2 face & eye 2 eye. u make me so happy I'm not going 2 lie but the pain and scares with in me u have no idea how I have 2 hide. I  try & try 2 show u whats with in me but u don't see ur blind. u use 2 all these girl & all there lies I'm try my best 2 let u in but u feel like I have something 2 hide I do the tears that alone I cry. the pain or everything I do not being enough & I don't no y. I was not built 4 failure so all I no 2 do is strive. it takes alot 4 me 2 be were I am with u I'm not going 2 lie u think u r afraid of u falling 4 me well I'm petrified. as I speak 2 u today in silence all ur not able 2 see is the tears that fall from my eye. I can't not always a say what I feel I don't no y but the feeling be so deep that when this happenes all I want 2 do is run and hide. im sorry I am not perfect &  that with me u don't see eye 2 eye just no that I as well im Destined to do great things I been told but only with some1 that makes me feel completely whole. & safe who I could start a new home with. I no u don't understand my ways but 4 once I'm going 2 tell u I'm scared of not being everything u want by me just being me alone these thought r hunting me at night u expect so much from me with out knowing how hard it is 4 me 2 keep  every thing together while i do all this on my own. u give a kind of peace & happiness that 1 day 4 ever I would love 2 own. But what I'm I destined 4 I don't even no things r not always what they seem u right cause everyday I fight 2 keep it together & only this i knows. I'm sorry that I don't show I guess what u need me 2 show. they call me destiny yet 4 so long I roamed alone.... so now in silence I sit all alone mastermind after this I don't no if u will still want 2 call me ur own today as we spoke I felt broken in ways that I don't think you'll ever no.now I ask my self I'm I just meant 2 be alone? or r u mastermind my new place 2 call home..... destiny in her thought it's & Romes