Mid night thoughts

Midnight thoughts I did the things, I thought were right, I never should I changed the way I am, I thought I never could I thought I will gain my end, for if it was all worth it Now I sit alone and ponder, confused what even my worth is They tried to understand, or did they? Would never know I was obliged to bound them, make them stay whenever they go But when it came my turn, I controlled, the rope was loose I just need to follow the fate, I lost all options to choose AM I fine? AM I ok? Those were the ques I would beg god to hear Everything slowly drifted apart, all the remains were some worthless tear Silently and steady, all treatment were thrown I bear I grew fond of myself, alone, I don't want anyone near They say self-isolation is harmful, but I already lost everything to care Happiness, unhappiness, both lost their value, just some meaningless jokes make me cheer Clock hits midnight, I go out, in balcony sitting in the chair Cold winds grazes my check, I look at the sky, very far from me, but appears near What have I done? Why have I done, are the questions I ask myself I am afraid of the answers, hit up some books in my shelves Book are meaningful, tell me the meanings of life, how to live I was, now became poorer, I need to earn, more than what I give Though not noble by nature, I never considered myself good I was a bad human, but tried my best not to be rude My silence was taken advantage of, my opinions weren't valued, I was given no choice Before I couldn't shout, that was reasonable, but now I can't even raise my voice It's fine, everything all right, I say things will turn for better I lie to myself, console myself, my cheeks wetter and wetter I contemplate on everything, everything just becomes sad I look at myself, then everyone around, c'mon I am not that bad I grow more numb and numb, as the days go by I have everything, but still feel empty, I make out a heavy sigh Nothing under my control, everything happening so fast, everything will end one day The time of eternal slumber, just full of peace, every problem, thoughts far away....