ANOTHER BIRTHDAY

Another Birthday ,
It’s 11 October 2022 , today.

Born 1984 in Prince of cities,  Durham
Died 2022, all alone
In London , forlorn
Would have been 38 today
11 October 2022, her birthday

Almost all of her birthdays
I had been with her almost always
Celebrating and loving my dear
Mostly in her London flat with her
Since she set home there
Some 10 years ago at a pleasant square

Today on her 38 th birthday
I cannot be there at her place
She is in eternal rest in Kemnal
Far away in agony, I can only pace
Deep grief has me swept
I am miserable and bereft

I wish I can go back in time
To the day I came to London
To see her on my own
After a long spell thrust upon us by Covid
I was blindsided by my own thoughts livid

That day will be forever etched in my mind
She gave me tea and an apple , she was kind
But when I was about to leave
I wanted to embrace her and hug
But she wouldn’t so give
My heart ached when I disappeared in the distance
Heading back home , I needed to take the train
That was the last time I would see her ever
This harrowing thought turns me insane

Despairing thoughts torment me still
Guilt and sorrow have consumed me
For losing my beautiful Bonnie
What if I had stayed in London
And not left her forlorn
She might still be alive
Will God have mercy on me and condone?

I can not party with her any more
Now she is in her Celestial abode
I am a mere mortal and decrepit
On Earth below in my tragic recit
For losing her
We have lost her forever

It should not happen to a parent
For their offspring to pass
Before their own time-lapse
It’s a pain no parent should have to bear
What can be more utterly unfair?

What did we do with Bonnie on her birthdays ?
She loved going out to Sushi or Nando’s
Or a Chinese or Indian
But her most favourite was Korean
Often also a musical or theatre
Or perhaps a cinema near her

I think of Bonnie when I go to the gymnasia
I think of her at the cinema
I think of her at the diner
I think of her everywhere

Every birthday, every Christmas, every anniversary
It’s a rude reminder of what could have been
What we have lost , never to have again seen
Never to have again seen

I think of my Bonsai on her birthday
I think of her on her death day
Suicide, what an ultimate act!
A sentence with a full stop and no return
What agonies for those left behind
No resurrection
Forget Jesus
For us a loss colossus

11 October, 2022
Another birthday come and gone
She will grow like this every year
But age will not dither her
As the poet had said thus
Her ethereal beauty
Manifest so much outwardly
Her gentleness and kindness
Will forever endure in finesse