I popped a pill

I cried today
I cried for all the times I popped a pill
Still couldn't feel
When I would open the medicine cabinet
Get a tin
Unscrew it's lid
And pop a pill

I cried when I did it all again
When I knew it was wrong
But I still did it
Again, again and again
I cried

I cried for all the times
 I couldn't talk to anyone
Not because I didn't want to
But because you were in my head
Making me feel dead
Screaming and pounding in my brain
Telling me
how worthless and useless I was
That I didn't deserve to leave
For I was just an empty bundle of nerves
So I believed you
And again I cried

I cried for all those times
I couldn't speak for myself
For when I tried
I heard your voice right in my ears
I felt it
When that happened I cried

When I tried to talk
I would start to stammer and statter
Sweat and hear my heart pound
Loud enough to echo to my neighbor
When that happened I cried

I know you didn't think I deserved
 Peace, a moment alone
To interact with people
Figure out my hobbies
I know you didn't
So you kept on tormenting me
Again and again
I cried

I tasted my tears
The salty ones as they rolled down my face
I wipped them away
It was better that way
Thinking I would feel stronger
But I wasn't enough
So I would lock my door
And pop a pill
As I cried