Before I die I think first

Suicide is not a thought of action it’s a thought of mind when your loved ones don’t ecnolidge u threw the tough times and you have no choice to  predict time as you feel life has fallen with no options to progress so u smoke
 thinking it will  eazz  the mind of stress but it just opens the mind of evil they say who may kill needs to pay the conciquence for the mistaken evil as I tried to live my life pleasing to be taken into guidance as I had no sharing gifts lord give me a stick I should have been blinded or throw me off those steps again I should have been mindless Education in my head I didn’t find it I felt like I was held up in confinement for a crime that I did not commit trust me I was dam near blinded I guess it splished and it splashed but I couldn’t tell u cuz she wasn’t around me I heard the scream I was first to the scene to give her help and all that she needs but in betrail all the blame was targeted at me  I tried to hide and suppress in my chest.
 I encounter evil if god chooses me to die tomorrow I hope he kills me so we can be equil I was set up for failer I just wish all my kids the best when I die flip the cross upside down cus I was living in hell in time when I fly I’ll show on the flip side evil is not evil we was just in a system were there is no equal we was just masterminded by greedy and rich people


Before I die
Jacob
I wanna get this off my chest as a father I know I have failed by the rope that’s tied around my neck .
I kno I could have tried harder Jacob as you cried saying I didn’t try my best.
daddy I saw u fight with mommy I felt ur pain across my chest.
I kept my mouth shut even tho I wanted to protect.
it hurts to see u really upset.
 u told us you were playing
 u made us believe it was ok when it really wasn’t .
I cry all the time cuz I kno only if I was to stop it.
I heard you screaming my name I tried to open the door but mommy locked it.
she told me to mind it and go back to my room it hurts me cuz I never showed or said I love you.
I don’t have nobody else daddy all I had was U.
I was willing to fight two.
I have bullies that don’t like me they pick on me all the time and call me ugly.
so I fight just like u taught me.
cuz at times I act just like u.I have no friends
 I’m like f*ck you.
cuz u have no friends u said they always try to backstab you in the end.
don’t u see how much I act like u .
I have different blood in my veins but In my life you have remained .
that only took a bigger man.
 I wish in life you had a bigger plan. Because of your actions I couldn’t become a man.
cuz just like you daddy.
I did this to be with you.
I committed suicide.
 just to be in a brighter world with u I’m sorry daddy
Before I die
Tuty
I don’t know what to say.
 when it’s sunny out it still feels grey and cloudy.
Aunestly I still feel lonely even tho everyone is around me.
Tellin me it’s ok.
Adrian cries for you every fuckin day.
he was old enough dad.
he’s hurting every fuckin night just thinking about it bring tears to my eyes.
I hope you know cuz of you Jacob took his fuckin life away how the f*ck did u think by taking yours it will make are fuckin life feel so great I’m in so much fuckin pain I love u but I feel so much fuckin hate it’s been 2 weeks ever since that faithfull day Dominick and josane won’t talk on the phone that took a toll on me in a major way what you did caused a chain reaction I sliced my wrist but nothin happened Eli saw me bleeding so I wrapped it in a napkin I wore Jacob’s sweater just to try to hide it I fell asleep never woke up it was Adrian who was the one to find me
Before I die
Dominick
Calling tuty phone keeps on ringing I haven’t picked up I think I’ve been going threw depression I lost my brother and my father which was 2 of my best friend I just wanted to cry myself to sleep wake up and it was all just pretend like this shit was just all in my head but I can’t I’m so weak I don’t have the appetite to eat I can’t even sleep that’s why I’m up at 3:30 I need you to speak to me tuty pick up your phone I’m so scared as her voice mail just keeps answering I called again a whisper saying who is this I said Dominick who is this he says Eli they both said I’m sorry and I love u as they continue to cry Eli said you can’t call tuty no more I said why and he said because of daddy she killed her self and never woke up she died
Before I die
Josane jr
I walk in the back room and all I can see was tears in Dominick’s eyes and I didn’t want to ask why cuz I knew it was about Jacob and daddy so I hugged him told him to smile me tuty Eli and Adrian needs you as I wipe his eyes with a paper tissue please Dominick don’t do nothing stupid It reflex’s on me 2 he responded with yea Jacob did 2 and daddy needed us to talk to did u kno cuz we didn’t pick up the phone tuty took her life 2 her voice mail said she needed us to talk to her mind was so a mess did you know she was the one to find dad with the rope tied around his neck he was in the basement and leaped from the second step she even cut the rope off from around his neck don’t ask how I know just read her last text


Before I die
 Eli
daddy im all alone in my room i need to talk to you everyone hated me when you were here i think they still do mommy and her mom talks about the bad times and how much they hate you adrian is 8 years old we go to the cemetery like we used 2 for grampa joe i still remember the time tuty drove and almost hit the tree i think at that time adrian was only 3 daddy i remember everything like it was just last week did you know when u walked past me and screamed to mommy i swair to god this will be the last time u and the kids will ever hear about me i thought u was gunna leave so i hid in the back seat i fell asleep and woke up to tuty screaming for help i saw her running in the house and she came back out with a knife yelling screaming and crying daddy really needs are help hes hanging from a rope in the basement i used my shoulder and i raised him tuty cut the rope and he hit the pavement police and ambulance came to see if he was alive but he was pronounced dead on arival and thats the day my heart broke

Before I die
Adrian
Hey dad it’s been 16 years since u tuty and Jacob took your life away don’t ask how I’m doing as you can tell I’m not ok you wasn’t there to pave the way for me I fell off course now I’m stuck in the penitentiary i felt no love u took that away from me I hope you know I kill you every fuckin day when I sleep I have night mares  cuz when u killed ur self we was right there you wasn’t even thinking of me so why the f*ck did you ever tell me you loved me I found tuty unconscious in her sleep I tried to wake her and she wouldn’t speak and I just needed the remote for the tv I hope u fuckin burn in hell they should have buried u more then six feet why didn’t you have mom take a plan b and just get rid of me but no instead you thought of your fuckin self you were to in to your head no wonder you grew up in special Ed you were to fuckin stupid you thought about your god damn self that’s fuckin ruthless you left a lot of scars that haven’t healed it left constant bruises you left me in a life so clueless so I took a trip in memory lane thinking to my fuckin self if daddy and Jacob can do it Then I can do the fucking same Or should I cut my fucking veins why the f*ck would you care you never once thought about our pain how was I suppose to call you a hero daddy when u was just the devil in disguise You made us believe mommy was evil when it was you all the time I haven’t seen my brother josane and Dominick in a long time that’s all I think about nothing ever been the same since you left the house I paid the rent mommy started trippin cuz she caught me mixing the hard In the kitchen we had no place to stay dad u put me in this position mommy’s sick I needed to do anything to pay for her prescription so I figured helping these crack heads with there addiction made me a better man with ambition to step in we’re my dad didn’t exist this world is made for the strongest and dad u just couldn’t fit in you were to weak in heart did u not realize u we’re are biggest rock that shattered and tore us apart leaving me with the attitude of not giving a f*ck I robbed a bank drugs wasn’t giving me the money fast enough mommy needed treatment she was at her weakness I got away for 2 days got everything paid and caught on The Weeknd
Marisol
I fuckin hate you so much I wish you can come back alive so me and the kids can be the ones to take your fucking life away