"I Think I'm Just Worn Out"

“I think I am just worn out.  (Tuesday night’s mood.)”

There is no word to describe it.
So vacuous. Empty.  
I look around, within, over there over here
Nothing.
Moving along on this journey of aging.
Where is all  the stuff?
The stuff of life?
Has it just faded away?
With preoccupation about
 Maintenance?
Feed me, wash me, dress me, sleep me.
Each day, check.
shoulders?  
Knees?
Hands?
From minimally to moderately,
with pain.

The years tolling by,
each one adding an extra weight
to the bones.
Is the  body primary?
No.
There is something else...but I can’t find it right now.
Old inspiration has lost it’s luster…
no longer shimmering above all else.
Good-bye to shimmer.



Can this missing something be manufactured?  
Plan an event- walk, talk. Carry out tasks, function.
OK.  Have fun?  Sure!  Whee!
A light flickers in the dark,
then gone.  It’s over.
Back home again, jiggety jig.

Cynicism is a bugger.
It hides under the skin, crawling around, breathing ashes.
Useless, but determined.  For me, it does not let go.

G-D?
Spirituality.  To come into that state,
to summon that presence is work.
I can’t find it right now.  Maybe tomorrow.
From nothing comes nothing.
Keep looking Laura, over under, through and through.

HOPE?  G-d only knows.