WANTING TO LOVE

Wanting to love again
but am so dam scared.
My past often haunts me
I thought,
back then
that they cared.
Guarding my heart
even though,
I want to feel.
My emotions,
I keep to myself.
My love and devotion
is something,
I want to conceal.
Longing for someone
to just hold me,
in their arms.
But as soon
as I think of it.
Here comes all the alarms.
Fighting with myself
I do,
then I don't
I know love
is just something,
that is no good
for my health.
When your heart
has been broken,
and you have cried
so many tears.
Some part of yourself
just simply disappears.
Many have tried
but I just make an excuse,
am not going
to let my heart,
take no more abuse.
So deep inside me
I know truly,
I will stand alone.
Maybe love,
just ain't for me
because it cuts,
right down to the bone.
I guess I will always
crave that real true love.
Is this how
it all will end,
forever fighting myself
When will my heart,
finally mend.