Bruises

Tears run down my face all over the blue and red;
I try to move silently towards the bed;
I can sense his anger far from here;
Mama said he is not wrong its just Cozz of the beer.

why daddy carries that beer everywhere mama?
i heard aunt sil saying he will give me trauma;
i asked my friends but it's only him. why only daddy drinks it mama?
"its a part of his work and now u eat . stop the drama".

it's been 7 years and i never asked her the reason again;
i hated her for being with him and living in vain;
the scars on my body and the bruises were invisible to her;
i hated the mornings and the nights and the rest passed in a blur;

"u r nearly passing high school with no boyfriend. maybe wear something nice"
these baggy clothes help me cover the spots he hit this week thrice;
"wanna go out today and do something funny tonight?". no you guys go and do.
"i wish u didn't have strict parents." i wish it too. i wanna scream 'me too . me too'

"he has to walk me down the aisle today" will he be there?
it's supposed to be my big day but i am trapped in fear.
what if they see the marks on my body? what if someone spots all the cuts i kept hidden;
i should be happy but happiness in my life feels so forbidden.

mama dresses me up and covering bruised parts including the burned iron mark;
does my husband knows the kind of freak he marrying who's so much dark;
i wait and wait and wait for him but seeing mama breaking down i know he isn't coming;
i didn't know what to do so i skipped and ran away. for days i couldn't stop running.

he died the day i was supposed to marry. he was drunk and driving to the venue and crashed;
i didn't grieve or cry. i could picture images of him hitting me and my face getting smashed;
like the time he nearly broke my leg when he pushed me from the roof;
the scars, bruises and the cuts are with me forever as a proof.

i sit by his grave and i could feel myself crying. why am I crying?i was supposed to be happy.
mama forgot him and she moved on but why couldn't i move on? why am i still sappy?
He took my dream and innocence away but i am out here feeling sorry for him when i can go live now.
"Because he took my childhood away" and i looked at him the last time and said goodbye to Macau.