Painful peace

Painful peace! Painful peace!
Is this the peace I sought
Painful peace! Painful peace!
Through the pains I fought
Through the day,  through the night
Pitching my voice less on height
I cried
I’d rather take a silent ride!

Hail the thorn in my flesh
Laying an egg of guilt in my chest
Praise the sin in my blood
Forming a stream of tears in my bud

With my right hand I hold on to goodness without shame
But my left hand has clung on to my desires like a chain
I really aspire to be a saint
Weigh my cloudy heart in dilemma

Who’d have thought a blue flame could scorch?
Who’d have thought peace could hurt?
Painful peace! Painful peace!
Is this the peace I sought?