If

Jason Marriner

I was born in Pensacola,Florida. Raised in Portsmouth,Virginia and Indianapolis,Indiana. Raised by a single mother. As most children might say, I couldn't have asked for a better mother. Although with age I've come to realize I could've been a better son. I didn't always make it easy on her. I started writing off and on when I was about 13, more as a way to vent, and I never really took my writing seriously. But my mother did. She always wanted me to pursue it as a career, but of course, being a teenage boy, I resented the idea because it wasn't mine. I didn't even particularly enjoy writing, it was just a way to express myself and the mood only strikes me once in awhile, could be one a week, could be one every ten years. I started considering writing more right about the time the song 8 Mile came out and I rewrote it in my own words. I actually liked how it turned out. But a thunderstorm had other ideas, lightning struck a transformer outside my apartment and I lost it all. I didn't write again for around ten years. I would find inspiration again in my late 20s. I had just started my career as a truck driver when I met the person who would forever change my life. Six months of dating and living together was all the time I needed to know I was going to marry this woman. She made me wait another two and a half years, but we finally took the plunge, and it was more than I ever deserved. We would be together another three or four years before ultimately breaking up. I look back on those years as the best years of my life to this day. I harbor no ill will at all towards you, I still care enough about you that I sincerely hope you find happiness. In 2013, my mom died and the effect it had on me is still felt today. I honestly believe that her passing took such a toll on me that I sabotaged my marriage. I say that not to lay blame on my mother, it was my fault for the things I did. For the next few years after my failed marriage, I would basically drown myself in work, driving around the country, and writing from time to time. In 2017 I met a family that would become an extension of my own family, they've basically adopted me for some unknown reason. I still wonder why sometimes. But I'm grateful. I never felt like I had a connection with many people in my life, aside from my mother, my ex wife and my closest friend from high school, but this family is right there. On July 11th of 2022, the ninth anniversary of my mother's death, I decided that I would try to do something with my writing, maybe even try to get published, it's what she always wanted me to do. I've started writing what I'd like to think of as songs, but I have no grand fantasy that someone will ever sing them on the radio. I'm just trying to honor my mother's wishes. So, with that being said, I sincerely hope that if you choose to read these poems, that you enjoy them. Thank you! more…

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