Reporting LIVE For W.E.B.S.

Hi Mom, Hi Daddy!
It's me again.
Can you believe it.
Reporting live in living color.
And in high definition TV.
Here with me I have your usual eyewitness.
Claiming this and that.
Without videotaping the evidence.
Or the actual act...
To describe what he saw.
From his point of view.
Your name again? I have forgotten.

'Well...
My full name is Lover Of Peace.
But...
Call me either Bruce or Hank.
Short for Henry.
Most folks know me around these parts.'

Interesting.
I see.
I can tell already this interview will be unique.
Do you mind Bruce or Hank.
The sharing with our viewers,
What you observed to witness.
Here in the midst of the quietness of Buffalo.
Where not one Buffalo have I seen to roam.

'No, I don't mind at all.
As I was closing my car door to lock the keys,
Inside of it.
I heard this bang,bang sound.
I then turned around...and...'

Trust me.
I have been there before myself.
Then to discover after I called a locksmith,
A spare key carried in my Louis Vuitton...
And extremely expensive handbag.
I bought for a bargain in Milwaukee.
At this flea market.
There were stacks of them.
However...I was told the one I bought,
Was geniune.
You talk about embarrassing moments?
That was a 5 on my top ten list.
So...
Then what did you do?

'I turned around and saw this...
This crazy looking white boy.
Shooting black folks without provocation.'

Blond or Brunette?

'WHAT?!'

Was he short, tall, muscular?
Any tattoos?
Handsome or mediocre looking?
Never mind.
I regress.
Go on.

'He killed a number of them too.'

Them?
Them who...too!?

'Black people.'

Oh...yeah.
And, Bruce.
You actually believe,
This young boy you describe...
As white and crazed.
Did this intentionally?

'Of course.'

And, there you have it viewers.
Another black man...
I must say to admit is handsome.
The rugged construction worker kind.
You know...
Easy on the eyes?
Bruce...
Has given us his entertaining version,
Of what others will probably perceive...
As a repeated horrific event.
That brings our wholesome greatness...
Yet again to spread a spotlight upon.
To jeopardize with hearsay and rumors.
Hoping will reveal nonexistent hypocrisies!

Here I am LIVE.
And reporting in incredible high definition.
From W.E.B.S.
Yes.
We...
Promise to deliver the very best of B.S.
Anywhere else you can possibly find.

This has been,
An eyewitness exclusive!