I have to admit...



The sun is making an effort
To chase away the clouds that mark the day
There is something sinister in the air
A sense of loss – depression, senselessness
Some days do that, without a warning
They string together and become furled
In droopy mental modes, spreading grim awareness
of utter uselessness amidst a hectic world

He left almost two years ago
The signs had been abundant: he had become frail
His usual sharpness was gone. He barely spoke --
Had a hard time remembering the name of a fallen icon:
Muhammed Ali. So he called him Cassius Clay.
Nothing seemed to matter to him anymore
Even his perpetual craving for a cigarette was gone
His mind was drifting, and finally his breathing stopped
He pulled the plug on life. And on my zeal to go on.

Fast forward: two years later.
The plug has not been restored.
Sun, wind, bird, squirrel, flower, or tree:
They’re appreciated for who and what they are
But they miss the allure to reach inside of me
Where the exit of a bright spirit, once my silent zest,
Left a deafening hole, reducing my vigor
To unfulfilling mechanical performance at best

How long will this last? There’s no telling.
It’s like the ebb and flow of the ocean
Sometimes it subsides, and I think it’s gone
But then it returns, like a familiar song
If only someone knew where he went – how he’s been
What happens when something solid scatters?
We don’t know until we’re there, so why even care…
Meanwhile I have to admit: little matters.

About this poem

A reflection on the loss of a very dear one, and the slow healing process that may take years.

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Written on June 15, 2018

Submitted by Joamarq on May 07, 2022

Modified on March 23, 2023

1:22 min read
4

Quick analysis:

Scheme ABCDEADX XXXFBXGXF HXIXIJHJ EXGXXDCD
Closest metre Iambic hexameter
Characters 1,478
Words 276
Stanzas 4
Stanza Lengths 8, 9, 8, 8

Joan Marques

Joan Marques is an educational and social entrepreneur, who writes poetry as a balancing act to maintain mindfulness, spirituality and sanity in a hectic world. She has been widely published in scholarly and popular venues, and has (co-)authored and co-edited more than 35 books. Originally from Suriname, South America, Dr. Marques currently lives and works in Los Angeles, CA. more…

All Joan Marques poems | Joan Marques Books

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    "I have to admit..." Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/126200/i-have-to-admit...>.

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