What is growing up?

To be a child is living in its purest form.
This is life,
To know why
 is much more than who I am.
But what is growing up?

To go through trauma, surrounded by a life full of drama,
To survive through our struggles,
taught to resolve conflict with a muzzle.

But to face the moments with pain, can drive some insane.
Those who stay kind
through each stage of the rain
Is a phenome so hard to explain.

Damaged, Bruised, Broken.
Through the stages of a shattered childhood
We still spread our light,
It is our god-given human right,
to choose who we are.

But yet I lay awake at Midnight
Wondering Who am I?
My thoughts take control tonight.
I may cry as,
I take the time to think about my life
In some ways, I wish to rewrite all of the violent nights.
I laid awake in the moonlight
overhearing gunfights.
Waiting till the next day,
to see the sunlight.

Standing with courage.
After years of learning on my own
To wake up and try each day
Even when I feel alone.
To try and understand those who no one spent to know
To make them feel value,
Talking to them
in hopes to hug them tomorrow
but
It was their last day, who knew?

Gone, are the days of memories.
In this life, we are taught to value the memories that bring us happiness

We are now taught to chase highs filled with addiction, What is this life that's become fiction.

What happened to me that was a child
That spent their days laughing
Filled with its own natural high
With crashes filled with
Cocoa and the sweet hugs from mom.
What if I wrote in these pages
how much I missed my mom.
I wish she was here to cry on the night of my prom
Now I lay awake tracing my arms, to remember her palm which always
Made the world feel calm.

I use to bottle these emotions, but I've learned to process
To relieve the constant
stress.
Through time alone I've learned
to create progress
To no longer repress these feelings
but
learn to express.
The most important love I've learned
is
love of self.
To be proud of who I tried to be,
and the life I choose to live.
To make the most of every day,
By giving all I have to give.