Lone Wolf Forgives Himself

2 years in self-isolation, how much more torture did I have to go through?

“Answer me” I say to the reflection in the mirror….who replied: the only one who can answer is you.

What’d I do this time? Hit the bottle too hard?
Nah you’ve done that before. Im left with a new scar
Can’t be the the weed either, maybe I took it too far

You stood up to tyrants for those who couldn’t behind closed doors,
With nothing to gain; and all out of the necks to they could’ve chosen to cut —they chose yours

See there’s a difference between making a pact and holdin’ an oath
When the blind you lead see an opportunity to turn you into a lone wolf

And so it happened. Now my back is….against the wall and now this is survival: what’d you expect to happen?

From the beginning I treated my team each with the respect of a general, a lieutenant, a captain.
Now I curse them behind the walls I’m trapped in

man if only I knew now what I know now back then
You’re safer with an enemy on the frontlines then in front of the backline with bad friends

I could’ve forgiven that, I’m strong enough…but all bets were off when you let me blame me
After fighting all your hardest battles for years saying it’s your turn now…then you turned me in the same week!

Accountability is the measure of a leader’s height…for a wishful one
Until you stand near an open window in a building tall enough to push you from

I couldn’t look into these eyes either, I avoided  mirrors for years
Ran into endless road blocks while they were steering in the clear

(That made me sick by the way)

Now I’m back on the road and trailing you, you feel my ghost getting near,
As a voice reminds you as you look in the rearview that things tend to be closer than they appear

All the sleepless nights from the gas lighting, the grip of self blame as the clasp tightens. Here I am once again…back fighting.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes, I’ve paid a lot for those mistakes…..I stood in the rain as it falls
I answer my name when it’s called…but this isn’t one of them… I can’t be blamed for it all.

I did the right thing.