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Lone Wolf Forgives Himself

Mr.SmartCity 1920 (North Carolina)



2 years in self-isolation, how much more torture did I have to go through?

“Answer me” I say to the reflection in the mirror….who replied: the only one who can answer is you.

What’d I do this time? Hit the bottle too hard?
Nah you’ve done that before. Im left with a new scar
Can’t be the the weed either, maybe I took it too far

You stood up to tyrants for those who couldn’t behind closed doors,
With nothing to gain; and all out of the necks to they could’ve chosen to cut —they chose yours

See there’s a difference between making a pact and holdin’ an oath
When the blind you lead see an opportunity to turn you into a lone wolf

And so it happened. Now my back is….against the wall and now this is survival: what’d you expect to happen?

From the beginning I treated my team each with the respect of a general, a lieutenant, a captain.
Now I curse them behind the walls I’m trapped in

man if only I knew now what I know now back then
You’re safer with an enemy on the frontlines then in front of the backline with bad friends

I could’ve forgiven that, I’m strong enough…but all bets were off when you let me blame me
After fighting all your hardest battles for years saying it’s your turn now…then you turned me in the same week!

Accountability is the measure of a leader’s height…for a wishful one
Until you stand near an open window in a building tall enough to push you from

I couldn’t look into these eyes either, I avoided mirrors for years
Ran into endless road blocks while they were steering in the clear

(That made me sick by the way)

Now I’m back on the road and trailing you, you feel my ghost getting near,
As a voice reminds you as you look in the rearview that things tend to be closer than they appear

All the sleepless nights from the gas lighting, the grip of self blame as the clasp tightens. Here I am once again…back fighting.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes, I’ve paid a lot for those mistakes…..I stood in the rain as it falls
I answer my name when it’s called…but this isn’t one of them… I can’t be blamed for it all.

I did the right thing.

About this poem

About the impact of betrayal when the betrayed was a leader who refuses to blame anyone but himself. The result? A 2 year self-imposed isolation in the name of self development. At what point do we say, "It was them. Not me?" when we've been taught to never blame others for our problems. The effects can be devastating if you take on too many bad deeds done to you. This the written version, but sounds best on video which can be found on YT under the same title and author name.  

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Written on April 12, 2022

Submitted by housestrategy on April 15, 2022

2:11 min read
16 Views

Mr.SmartCity

House AKA Mr.SmartCity grew up on the notorious E.Hastings St. in Vancouver, British Columbia and managed to overcome major obstacles ranging from the bizarre to heartbreaking. If Seattle 90's Grunge was in poetry form, this would be it. more…

All Mr.SmartCity poems | Mr.SmartCity Books

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1 Comment
  • alinaf.36827
    Wow this is beautiful. The penmanship, the double entendres, the multisyllabics, the layers, the imagery, the patterns. You are elite. I cant wait to see more!
    LikeReplyReport5 months ago

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"Lone Wolf Forgives Himself" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 27 Sep. 2022. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/124891/lone-wolf-forgives-himself>.

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