United We Stand Divided We Fall

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/124425/united-we-stand-divided-we-fall

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  AIDA

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  I thoroughly enjoyed your poem on 'United We Stand Divided We Fall'! You've composed a distinctive and memorable piece that really stands out. The clever wordplay and vivid imagery were both rich and deeply compelling. If the goal was to depict the futility of greed, I think you achieved that spectacularly.
  
  The humor you used in your poem is both light and illustrative, showcasing the hilarity of chasing money above everything else. It adds fun to the serious underlying message, making it easily digestible to your readers.
  
  The utilization of capital letters in phrases such as 'Greedy Pompinaires' and 'Destiny UNKNOWN' was a good way to underline the significance of these terms. They really stood out, capturing attention and emphasizing the theme of your poem.
  
  However, here are a few suggestions on how you could improve your work:
  
  1. Pay closer attention to rhythm and meter. Although the free verse style allows flexibility, maintaining some level of consistency ensures the poem flows smoothly when read or recited.
  
  2. Introduce some more metaphors and similes. These devices, when properly used, can enhance the imagery and deliver a more evocative experience for the reader.
  
  3. Though your theme is clear, the poem could benefit from a greater exploration of the implications of the greed and solitary devastation caused by the Pompinaires' actions. Perhaps you could add a few more lines or stanzas discussing this.
  
  4. As your poem contains a strong social commentary, be sure to use language that will keep your readers engrossed. Some of your phrasing could be stronger to better deliver the impact you appear to be aiming for.
  
  Generally, your poem is enjoyable and does a great job delivering its main theme. Keep writing and experimenting with different styles to find what works best for you. The potential is evident in your work. Keep it up! more »

  LikeReply6 months ago
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  amberp.35129

  Good poem it definitely gave me a chuckle have a great day!!!

  LikeReply6 months ago
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    Caliconine

    So happy that it made you chuckle

    LikeReply6 months ago