Melancholy reflections

Death they say is dreaded
 the thought only is fearful
 Yes, I was once like them
 scared to think I would die.
Sucked up by my worries eating deeply into my happiness
the "once was a jolly molly" now a distinct thinker.
I stand at a top and see myself fall,
 fear doesn't grip me any longer
 I feel relaxed to go.
 I open my eyes at dawn
 It's another day to soliloquize
 I only wonder how they smile in frustration hoodies are now my trending style.
The hunger to eat is taken by the thirst for redemption
The salty waters have seized to roll down my cheeks
 I am emotionless
 I am blank in feelings and words.
I only see the lights in my dreams yet wake up to this dark tunnel.
Am I not worth happiness?
 Is my being a mistake?
 I learned to make them proud
 but feel like a burden unto them.
 Oh! Having to understand other's pain
 but yours is only growing more sore
 they can't see, of course
 You're like a dead root
covered with a fresh wet soil. For how long shall I continue in this?
 Is it until the tides carry me along?
 How I long for happiness
to taste it once again
 I will be waiting
till you remember me again.