"Lost Innocences"

"Lost Innocences"

I was six when my innocences was lost,i wished for it back to this day.

I can tell your pure you don't fear what I feared.
Your still innocence that I can sense...

Four years of hell at the hands of people I was supposed to trust.
I was feed with too many lies,i denied the hell I was in.

 I was always spinning and looking drunk,in my sippy cub.
One if my abusers spiked my kool-aid with hard Alcohol.

I visioned that I was out side jump roping and playing with barbies, my happy places when my eyes were closed and my clothes were,well you know.

I didn't care for childhood toys or asked for them,did you?

I don't remember much fun I only remembered i just wanted to run and I did at 9.

An angel saved me at 9 i got a chance at a new life but not for long, childhood ptsd got the best of me and that was the rest of me with more abuse after another.

Since then I struggled to get my self back,i bounced from one home to another like no other,i didn't have a place to belong.
Did you?

It's hard to trust,everyone I meet only wants lust.

Now I'm 40,still in the same nightmare i been in since six,some people have the nerve to tell me to forget it and move on,
 life must been easy for you to say that.

I rather been playing like you were instead I was not,little me doing adult things to early beyond my years that I still feel the pain.

I don't enjoy love, ptsd strikes any given moment.

In My mind i see the abuse over,over and over, every time I close my eyes theres no getting that out of my mind while I'm awake.

So DR.
 I thought i would grow up and forget,
don't give me another script.

I'm done im going to heal on my own time, until I can see God's signs,i know I will be fine.
Just taking it one day at a time hearing the chimes hoping it's don't rewind.

Lenamarie Clark ©️
3/8/2022