Defending Me (MAJOR TW for SA)

I am afraid
And I am awful
For thinking up things
Like the nightmarish stories
In my stupid head.
But
What would become of me
If a nightmare
I wake up from
Were to actually come true?
What would I do?
Could I fight back
With all my strength
And courage and terror,
Or would it be
Too much for me
And I’d just freeze
For good?
I can't move
In times of peril,
For it has become
A part of me
To be paralyzed
While terrified.
Would I allow a him
To do whatever
He wanted to me,
Violating my bubble
And personal space
And body,
Or would I actually
Be able to fight back
For the little girl
Inside me
Who never could?