Promise of a Threat (TW for mention of SA)

I wish I could go back
To that one
Fateful day again
And unmake the mistake
That left me
A million miles away
From the me
I once knew.
I wish I hadn’t let you
Do the things
You did to me.
I wish I had refused
So my life might’ve taken
A better turn
Than this.
If you really would have
Threatened to kill me,
If I didn’t do with you
What you wanted
And I still refused,
Would you actually have taken knives
Out of your pocket
Or backpack or wherever
And still actually try
To hurt or kill me?
If I didn’t care about your
Now very-real threat
And still I refused,
Would you still have killed me?
Was it really a threat,
Or not?