I Can't Promise Anything (TW for mention of self-injury)

I was crying and
Freaking out when
My anxiety was
Taking control of me.
You didn’t want me
To stay home by myself
Because you’ve learned not
To trust me
After I’ve broken promises not
To harm myself.
I just decided
To deal with it
Because the truth is about
What I couldn’t
Bring myself to tell you
Was that I can’t
Promise you anything anymore.
I can’t make that promise not
To hurt myself anymore
Because I need it
Too much to stop.
I didn’t say it out loud
Because I knew
You would never let me
Stay home by myself
If I told you that
I couldn’t make any promises.
I’m sorry,
But I know I’m
Wasting my words
If I try again
To explain it all
To you
Because I knew you
Won’t understand at all.
I’m sorry
That I broke my promise,
But I just can’t make
Any more promises not
To hurt myself
Because I know I’ll end up
Breaking them again,
Just like before.