I Give Up

If it's meant to be, then it will be
All I know is that I'm done killing myself over a fantasy

The way last year's nightmare,
Can becomes today's reality,
In the blink of an eye,
All under the same sky;
Thinking about it makes me wish to be high,
To forget my feelings and the sorrow they cause me,
Letting them momentarily fade away and die
Thinking about how this is what it has come to,
Brings forth from me a melancholic sigh

I should try showing my feelings the door,
Out of my heart, so that it isn't shattered further,
From a thousand pieces into a million pieces patterning the floor

From this insane rollercoaster of love,
My heart and mind are already sore,
Being optimistic these days,
Feels like a strenuous chore

I just want to feel as light as a feather
Hopelessly waiting for things to get better
Impatiently waiting for the storm to clear away,
Knowing it will leave my heart impervious as clay
There's nothing more left to do or say,
Other than remember how our end was imminent, clear as day

It isn't a crime to flirt,
But the reaction it will bring will only remind me,
That my feelings are worth nothing more than dirt
That doing so is a pointless effort,
Whose result will only get me hurt

I'm just tired of trying,
'There's no point' my brain is always warning
But my heart is stubborn, never listening

Flirting or complimenting;
I'll do it again when I stop expecting,
For the words I say to have any meaning,
To her

Who would've thought I'd be resaving her contact name?
Who would've thought she'd be doing the same?
Who would've thought my love for her would become a beast I had to tame?
Necessitated by her leaving, as suddenly as she came
Before she did though, I knew I was playing a loosing game

Damn, this life is crazy
One minute, there's nothing but bliss and magic
Dwelling in mutual feelings discovered to be platonic,
The next, these feelings are one sided,
At that point, to the owner, they become toxic
I want to say 'there's no such thing as magic'
Preceded by 'If I'm being realistic,'
But; there is, I experienced it firsthand,
And it would be an understatement to simply say it had me ecstatic
It just happened to end, in a way I'd consider tragic

I remember when it did;
In the flow of my thoughts, there was great traffic,
Millions of thoughts honking at each other,
Crashing either into each other,
Or obstacles of confusion and pain

I remember how it felt as though I was going insane
Most of my days after that hardly saw the sun,
Just storms of thunder and rain