Why does it hurt

I thought love wasn’t supposed to feel like this
It hurts when I can’t talk to him
It hurts that I can’t see him
The fact is love hurts so much
But it is fun
It makes me happy
It makes me feel like there are firecrackers all around
I love the noise
I love this feeling
But at the same time
I want to cry
This is my first love
And I mean my first true love
It is like I am not me
When I am not with him
But yet I feel like if I stay
All I will do is hurt him
I am scared that this is the part I fail at
 I am afraid of this feeling
That is why I push people away
That is why I let people in
And then they leave
I am so scare every time I am not with him
Like what if this is the last time I talk to him.
These are just my feelings
These are not real
I know that much
But it still hurts
So why does it hurt so much?