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Depression Mixed With Mania



You would assume that since I'm manic it just means I'm more hyper than usual.
That I will just calm down soon.
Being manic isn't at all fun.
Trouble falling asleep let alone even wanting to sleep. My brain tells me I don't need it.
I guess you could say it's like drinking coffee twenty-four seven.
I have all these thoughts and ideas buzzing in my brain. With that, I can't concentrate.
The energy I have is unreal.
I can't seem to run out of it!
It can last for hours, days, or even weeks!
The world doesn't seem real.
My words fly out at a high-speed trying to catch up to my thoughts.
The crazy impulses, that is what gets me.
"Jump out of the window! You can land it!"
"Let's go for a run around the block!"
"Late night walk?"
"What if you stole that car?"
The high sex drive.
It's all fun and games until it becomes a low and depression comes to save the day.

I stare into the nothingness that is my life.
The voice in my head worse than before.
"No one would miss you!"
"Do it!"
"They are better off without you!"
"You annoy them. Just be quiet!"
My body so tense. My eyes so heavy.
Getting out of bed is too much to handle.
Eating, drinking, brushing my hair, showering, and talking to anyone is out of the equation.
Every breath seems borrowed, like it isn't mine.
I don't want to see what tomorrow holds.
I simply just want to give up.
I've called the famous hotline number only to get rushed off the phone by the person on the other line.
If it weren't for my mother being at the door when I opened it after that phone call, I wouldn't be here today.
I don't know what's worse.
To be manic or depressed?
Trying to handle both is enough to drive me insane.
Please forgive me for one day being at my highest high then the next being at my lowest lows.
I do my best to contain it.
Maybe now you can understand why it is I do the things I do.
Or say the things I say.
I'm sorry.

About this poem

I was diagnosed with manic depression when I was 11 years old. Its been a struggle ever since. I take it one day at a time, some days are better than others. I wrote this to give some clarity about what goes on in my head.

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Written on February 27, 2022

Submitted by kenya_s on February 27, 2022

2:08 min read
50 Views

Kenya Stephens

Kenya Stephens was just another woman in a big world of adventures. She had to overcome a lot to be where she is today. For that, she is stronger than ever! more…

All Kenya Stephens poems | Kenya Stephens Books

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2 Comments
  • Symmetry58
    I know folks who suffer the strut. In fact, the man I rent from who owns the house and lives downstairs has a niece that lives with him. She is bi-polar, manic and all the other good monikers that complete the cycle of WTF.


    As stated in my comment on your other piece - diet and lifestyle can help a lot. As goes the state of the gut, so too the brain to follow. Hence, the "gut/brain" affiliation that assures a state of mind conducive to the state of one's gut health.


    Not that dietary habits are a cure-all for everything that ails us, but is certainly #1 overall for assuring optimal health and mental acuity. Watch what you eat and monitor how you feel one, two, three, days after. If it isn't actual food created by Mother earth, then it isn't meant to be inside us.


    The human body is a nutrient extractor. Only real food provided by Mother earth contains nutrients for optimal health. All else is indulgence.


    If you still suffer, please go to Facebook, Twitter, etc and look up a woman named Hilda Larsen. Hilda was bed-ridden and on the brink of death years ago. She's turned her life and health into something that everyone can behold. She is a walking, talking encyclopedia of wisdom, know-how and knowledge. She studied under the amazing Dr. Robert Morse. Look him up on youtube. He is ASTOUNDINGLY knowledgeable and the kindest man you could ever know.
    Remember, Kenya, education and knowledge cure disease. ;-)


    Here is a video of Hilde and Dr. Morse chatting about health and detox.
    The crazy simple truths about health! Hilde and Dr. Morse.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzZw06Kcyx0
    LikeReplyReport 19 months ago
  • raenita_s
    I meant to hit 5 starts but my big thumb got in the way - So sorry, but you'll always be a 5 ☆ to us!
    LikeReplyReport 19 months ago
    • kenya_s
      I'm so glad ya'll support me! It means the most to me.
      LikeReplyReport 19 months ago

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"Depression Mixed With Mania" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 26 Nov. 2022. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/121007/depression-mixed-with-mania>.

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