Recycle time

There are no ways to recycle time.
I can't bring you back from death.
I miss you daily. I talk to you hoping that you hear my words on the skein of electromagnetic consciousness.
I make promises and covenants of undying love and devotion.
I am sad for a past I cannot recover.
I pray for waking up out of this horrible dream I am in.
I want it to be a bad joke. I want it to be unreal. I want it to be over.
My love for you is magnified by time and space and need and want.
My heart is empty, and my thoughts of you are everything I did not tell you when you were here.
Cry? Everyday.
I marry you every night.
I give my heart to no one but you.
My other half is on the other side.
My other half lives as I die.
Victim of my own actions.
Victim of my own carelessness.
Victim of my jealousies and insecurities.
Victim of my headstrong ways.
Not so strong now.
Self-analyzation causes you to come to terms with consequences of decisions made.
The knowledge of having everything and losing it because of my own fault compounds the sickness in my heart and stomach.
My mind is tortured by could have beens and should have beens.
The worst part being the knowledge that I should have been there for YOU, in YOUR time of need.
I have learned the terrible lesson far too late in this lifetime.
I will embrace leaving this material world in the timeframe that is right for me to do so, knowing that I may be by your side once again.
I will never abandon you as I did once before.
I was never whole without you.
I am still not whole.
I cannot recycle time, but I can envision a new beginning with you, and maybe that will allow me to ease my pain.