Blame it on my anxiety

Ellubedine 1998 (Port Elizabeth)



Blame it on My Anxiety
I had no intention of keeping her but…
She’s been my invisible friend for years now, she knows my inner being
The order in which I place my crayons in
From black to red or is it red to black?
Ask her she will know, she knows all my secrets
I know our relationship is rocky

But I love her
she is the yin to my yang
So blame her
if I never told you things
She’s possessive!
Blame her
Our conversations are endless
It leads me into sadness
She only speaks to me
do you understand?
 
When I’m all alone and soaked in my comfort zone
She scrapes at my backbone
So blame her
if I’m always tired
She’s possessive!
I told you
Blame her
She’s the reason I keep on pushing you away
Blame her
Cos I have no say

She shoves the word hush!!!
Between my lips
She's my puppet master
I move to the beat of her music
She’s possessive!
Blame her
if I collapse in on myself

Maybe she broke a string
But that’s her regular thing
She became the border between my country and yours
She taught me how to shrink
When the war in my head become too intense
She’s possessive!

So blame her when I pull the lump in my throat
Out with my teeth and say I am fine whenever

I am asked ‘how're you feeling?
She’s possessive
Blame her when I am always shrugged shouldered like handlebars
She’s possessive!
She’s afraid of my voice
So I decided to be too
So please don’t evict her
Her love is indelible.

About this poem

It is just a reflection of the effects of my anxiety

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Written on October 15, 2019

Submitted by ellubedinemay1998 on January 22, 2022

Modified on March 05, 2023

1:36 min read
13

Quick analysis:

Scheme axbxxxa cxCxDCeeax ffCxDgChCh xxcxDCx bbxxxD xc bDxDxgcx
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 1,465
Words 320
Stanzas 7
Stanza Lengths 7, 10, 10, 7, 6, 2, 8

Ellubedine

Ellubedine May is a young dynamic spoken word artist and performance poet. Who does cinematic poetry that is meant to reflect society as well as start conversations about issues that matters but may not be focused on? Lubby has been writing poetry since she was 13 years old. she’s a bookworm when, it comes to fiction novels, biographies, and autobiographies. she earned her pair of spectacles from reading in the morning into the dim lighting. she has 3 sisters and 3 brothers, she is the equator to their equation ‘the middle child’ a poet who resides in Port Elizabeth. Poetry became her voice, she is a storyteller at heart who uses poetry as a way of healing and telling stories about her community and experiences she has journeyed from being an introvert to a bloomer with a message through performance... She has previously written under the name Tulip and as shyly performed at NNMU south and north campus, Eclipse unplugged sessions, Unplugged Sunday sessions and has graced numerous stages such as the national arts festival (literature festival 2019), (2019) free state literature festival ), the language indaba 2020 and recently released her book titled ‘Dairy Of Love and Pain.’ with 2021being only 10days she managed to achieve the international poetry title at the pledgenexus contest Her aura is contagious she defines herself as a free spirit and writer more…

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