Taking As You Do

we carry each other—burdens, ghosts, flying into resentments.
we’re doing it wrong, because it hurts, we’re doing it sideways.
loving us seemed easy, inconsequential; lately, I’ve noticed
how we love each other: should I notice—the love, the effort,
every grunion? I see how I cater to you. I see how you receive
me. I recognize you demanding of me my habits, expecting
certain rites and rituals—seated, receiving, full of holes and
arrogant inconsistencies—should I notice myself showing
affection? affection should flow unnoticed. I imagine a
scientist suggesting nothing should be automatic, unnoticed.
as of lately, my efforts are with notation, reflecting as I
motion—I realize being a good friend becomes
self-consciousness. in loving you, I am made to feel fretted; in
agonizing, I sense, you don’t sense, nor care, taking as you do.