Anxiety

Sometimes it feels like there's some government watching my reactions,
I can feel happy, calm, collected but it is just a smaller fraction,
Its really rude for me to bring my thoughts into your sheets,
The world is full and it is full of shits,
I didn't know that it would hurt me for so long,
I couldn't see myself in this position after all,
And after all these words you said,
And after all the actions took,
As they meant nothing I was shooked,
Sometimes I feel like we knew we wouldn't last,
That it is just a waste of time ,some time to pass,
But present let me realize,
That you would never care for me again,
That you won't love me in same way,
It's really hard to get that information in your head,
But I sure have to, because if else I would just stare ,get played,
How come at one point really missed me?
And at the other, lost all that?
There is a lot of questions left unanswered,
But I won't ask them, it's like a brain tumor or some cancer,
It eats you out from inside out,
And makes you think,
It makes you doubt,
Yourself, your family,your friends,
And your achievements lost in water like some fountain cents,
A story somehow started , doesn't end,
I'll wait for 1 more week to see,
Her subtle face expression change,
I probably will not be missed as did before,
I cannot calculate it all,
By all, I mean emotions, feelings, certain people,
Because I know some wouldn't care,
I lay in bed, look at the ceiling and just stare.