How would you feel about if you failed your loved one..

How  would you feel if you failed your loved one. She trusted me without doubt. So on our last trip together she fell asleep on my lap as I drove to to where she needed to be. I failed her and she is gone but so apart of me I can't let go. If you failed your loved one would you shoot yourself. Would you poisen yourself or get a 17in. Blade and impale yourself. Never minding the pain for I am in pain in my soul. It is easy to forgive when you were not there you could not stop them. But she fell asleep in my lap in her innocent soul free from pain in a instant my failure.