new years substance

In the last minute I go out,

it is raining so loud.

My neck hurting now,

such a pain I said ‘wow’.

I’ve never been so low,

indeed I’m close to the fall.

Torture & sweat,

just for my best friend.

Hope her bad days will end.



I arrived.

She is alive.

Why do I cry?



Entering garden,

time still exists.

So I leave again,

it’s just how it is.




Now it’s silence,

I’m all alone.

Not a single soul,

everyone is now home.

Together…



My body is so hard to carry,

from all those sad years I feel drained.

Yes indeed I am sad very,

I feel frouded.



Hearing sounds,

that are very nice.

Stumbling through this street,

dark long tunel is all I see.

Hurting feet,

please don’t fall.

I canceled this call.

Wait what?

Everyone’s so tall,

yet I’m so small with no goal.

I’m hearing fireworks,

a New Year?

So many questions,

without a single tear.

Red,

blue,

green,
 
and purple.

Yes purple,

one and only savage.

Is that a man standing there?

Someone really average,

is it another loner in the streets?

Someone like me?

He matters,

he looks startled.

It’s the bad sight,

no one was there.

Why do I care,
 
oh I know…

that I’m all alone.



Hope I didn’t mourn.

Oh no,

just another fall,

I crawl.



Left side shining market,

right side me high as a dawn.

Lighting like a bright magnet,

this is that market.

But nothing near,

so alone.

Looks like me so hazy,

no way.

Today is too crazy.




Vision is now empty,

I see red so I vent it.

Whistling hiss is coming,

from horror to dancing.

I hear the music playing,

sick and hectic yet too amusing.

Anxiety is a huge piece of my  of mind,

let’s celebrate until I’m numb.



Still high,

I hate my home.

Full of loam,

but I still open the door.

Why do I keep trying to do more?

I’ve been her before.



And I sigh,

they are broken.

The doors that I defy,

didn’t cry.

So high,

I met those eyes.

Eyes that raised me,

memorized.

Put a happy face this is not me,

at least I tried.

Became an actress for what?

Why?

Ask my traumas,

how much I love my little marijauna.



Crawling to the bathroom,

she has no clue.

I’m moving slowly,

no sobriety.

After a bath,

I sit quietly.

Yet my mom,

still breaths so loudly.

Where she left all of her love,

wish I can return time.

High,

this little high.

For those drugs…

I would die.

Happy New Year,

try not to cry.

Light a blunt,

and stay fly.